TEN THINGS I’VE LEARNED AT 35

Well, it’s strange to be back here again.

Today is my 35th birthday, which would make it about 4 1/2 years since our last post and about 15 years since the very first one I ever posted. It’s also been a decade since the last time I wrote about what I have learned, Twenty-five things I’ve learned at 25. Those lessons came from a young 20-something who was filled with wonder about the future and the world. With no changes to the original list, I’m adding 10 more today to bring the total up to 35.

So much has changed in the last 4 years. We are now mothers of two, our jobs have shifted and shuffled, the world doesn’t look even remotely the same as it once did, and I on a personal level have been dealt a heavy hand. But I come back here today to have a space where I can reflect on the last 35 years of my life. You have the choice to read it if you’d like to, but either way I am thankful to be alive and be given a voice to share anything at all.

The last 9 months have been brutal as our country, Palestine, is undergoing a genocide. If you know me (or if you used to read my posts when I was in college) you know that I have documented the occupation and my travels over time. That was when the world was a little easier, but the situation in Palestine has always been this hard. Today, I am thankful that not only am I alive and breathing, but I am able to hold my children and my family close, unlike those in Palestine. Days have bled together while they also weep over the blood of their family members, friends, and home on a daily basis. Today may be my birthday, but it is just another day. Another day where I have been given the gift to live.

Moving forward, it will be looking a little different here because Aya and I will revive this platform to dedicate everything we can to our homeland. Palestine is part of our every day life. It’s our language, food, fashion, influence, and identity. It is one that is deserved to be learned about. It is a place that is occupied, but holds history and stories of our heritage. It is our home. So with that said, I’m glad to be back. I hope if nothing else, you learn.

Speak up

If you feel strongly about something say it. You only have one life to live and fear doesn’t deserve to take the driver’s seat when it was never invited on the ride to begin with. We were given voices. If you believe in something, speak up.

Be patient & trust there is a plan

My sister and I used to get in arguments about this when we were younger, but now that I am older I have realized that patience is the only thing that will keep you calm when things feel out of control. Don’t know if something is going to happen? Be patient. Think you deserve more? Be patient. Going through a tough time? Be. Patient. This one has saved me.

Spend time away from screens

I know this is semi-cheating because I wrote about this 10 years ago, but just freaking get rid of the phone. I wish I told you how many times I have been in the center of a group of people and everyone was on their phones. Life is happening right in front of your eyes! The phone will be there when you’re bored or want to catch up with others or need an update on the news.

Be curious

If you’re doing life right, there should never come a time where you think you have learned the max amount of information on a topic. Stay curious, ask questions, get to know people. Learn from their experiences. Wonder about things and how they are created. It makes life more fulfilling and can save someone’s life if you ask the right person.

Find a therapist who can help you heal or a best friend who is willing to talk it out with you

This is my most solid, unbiased advice. Life happens, things happen, and it can get scary and hard. The reason people struggle with their mental health is because they have no place to release all of the hard stuff. If we keep the darkness in, it will only grow into a bigger cloud of darkness. Therapy is not only necessary to get through the bad, it’s necessary to heal and learn new skills that can be used to prevent the darkness over time.

Kindness is the most important quality to develop

I’ve now lived for 35 years, and kindness in this world is rare at best. So much so that it is mistaken as strange behavior and alerts people to stay away. Being kind is one of the most beautiful things in our control. If someone is nice to you, accept it and pass it along. It could change the entire world if we let it.

Forgive

People make mistakes. It’s only human that they do. Don’t hold on to every mistake that someone makes in their life. Whether they apologize or not, forgive them. You don’t know the battle someone is facing in the moment they act in their worst. Everyone is going through something, and even if you choose it isn’t what’s right for you doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be forgiven.

Be a role model

Live life as though someone one day is going to grow up and be exactly like you. Would you want them to talk the way you do? Look at their body the way that you do? React to hard emotions the way you do? What would you want them to be like?

Learn to be fluent in all love languages

This is one of my favorites. Love is a beautiful concept and not everyone loves the same. Instead of forcing your love language on others, try to learn theirs so they feel the way they need to be loved. If you love someone, tell them how you feel. Spend undivided attention with them, do kind things for them. Buy them something small, give them a hug if they need it. This has been implemented in every relationship in my life.

BREATHE

So much of my time was wasted on thoughts that did not have backing. My mind tricked me into thinking things that I had no evidence for which often times would make me panic. Taking a few minutes to just breathe and realize where you are can make all of the difference. Be mindful in doing even the smallest things. Breathing and grounding yourself can make you forget the world around you for a moment and take you to a safe space.